This past week and a half, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety with work, my future, relationships, etc. It's been an extremely emotional week for me. After some disheartening news yesterday, it literally took everything in my power to resist the urge to revert back to my old self destructive habits that have helped cause my weight gain to begin with. My natural instincts were screaming that I go to the CVS on the way home, buy a giant bottle of wine (not the regular size, the big one), a pint of Blue Bell Ice Cream and a chocolate bar to finish off in a single sitting while I sit at home and depress myself.
As much as I am STILL struggling with this idea, flitting around the back of my mind, I made the decision to stay strong and stay committed to my promise to myself to be a better person. So then, my second instinct was still not a very positive one: I just wanted to go to sleep for the rest of the day and shut out every thought and problem in my life. I figured, hey- at least I won't want to eat, right? But finally I decided that was yet another way to mask my problems and not confront the issue. Finally, I invited a friend over to talk it out, focus on the positive things going on in my life, had a HEALTHY sugary snack (an orange) that always helps make me feel a little better, and then I went to go work out with my trainer Jeremy.
The work out was rough. I was NOT in the mood to push myself, and I was still half on the verge of tears throughout my entire work out. Again, thank god I had Jeremy to come to the rescue (as much as I kind of wanted to hit him when he told me to do 100 weighted jump squats followed by a series of [my mortal enemy] burpees). I finished the work out, exhausted and shaky. But in the end, did I feel better? Yes. Did I do something positive? Yes. I felt accomplished, and I felt proud that I had the strength to avoid reverting back to bad habits.
Today marks the start of my 8th week of living low glycemic. It's been 50 days of intense work outs, high activity levels, and a major adjustment of mental attitude and daily habits while controlling what foods I put into my mouth. 50 days ago, I wouldn't have had the strength to avoid those urges I had yesterday. I can truly say I am in a different place in my life now, and I have the strength and self-worth to know that my body deserves to be treated better, despite my mental state. Cheers to those of us working to create a better life for ourselves! We all have our struggles, but in the end, the question isn't can you do it? It's: will you.
Today's vision for my future:
No matter whether everything is going perfectly in my life, or if everything seems like it's falling apart, the one part I always have control over is how I choose to react to those situations. When my life is a mess, that doesn't give me an excuse to disrespect my body. I choose to handle negative situations by dealing with them in positive ways. If I am stressed, I work out my frustration in the gym. If I need to cry, I find a positive friend or family member to talk to. If I crave sweets, I always try to satisfy the craving with a natural sugar like fruit. When met with any difficult situation, instead of purely reacting, I consider the best way to approach the situation, and have the strength and ability to choose the most beneficial option for myself. I always remember that it's better to be strong in difficult situations than to make it worse by making a decision to be weak. By doing this, I am able to live healthily through the worst times and the best, always knowing that the dark times will pass no matter what.
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