Nothing Matters More Than Your Word - Especially To Yourself

Week 8: Complete! It's officially been 56 days and I feel awesome. Down a total of 20 lbs and 14 inches overall! (If you're in Austin- seriously, Jeremy Robinson has an amazing program you should look into) 20 lbs in two months! I can't believe the results I am seeing. Of course, it's a lot of hard work, persistence, sweat and self-control, but it can definitely be done.

 I still have a minimum of 30 lbs left to lose, and currently I am approaching the closest thing to a plateau that I have experienced since I started. Monday I begin my 2nd cleanse, which I am very excited about! This means 7 days of unlimited veggies and 3 fruits a day- not so bad. In the past, if I would have hit a plateau I'd have been extremely discouraged and frustrated. Now, I have the knowledge and ability to kick start my system again and continue back on my path to weight loss.

Not only am I losing the weight, the inches, etc, but I am gaining the confidence. I feel so much better. I'm in the stage now where everyone is beginning to notice the differences and shower me with compliments. It's an amazing feeling! It is, however, a dangerous thing at the same time. The more compliments and confidence you get, the better you start to feel about yourself and the less motivation you have toward reaching your goal. Many people struggle with this- I definitely have in the past. But that's what's so different about my goal this time. My goal isn't just to feel better about myself. It's about commitment.

One of the major things I have learned about myself this year, is that I have a problem with commitment. (ha- like everyone else!) No, I'm not talking about relationships (although I am sure that's the case on occasion...). I am talking about commitments to  myself. I realized I don't have a problem with goal setting, I just have a problem committing myself to the things I say that I am going to do. Ex: I'm going to do laundry today. I am going to go work out today. The list goes on. This whole experience isn't about just getting healthier, feeling more confident, finding a boyfriend or anything like that. It's about commitment to myself. Making a promise, and keeping your word to yourself.

My entire life, I have been taught that the most important thing you have is your word. Do what you say you are going to do. I have always lived my life that way, but I realized, I only do it for others. If I am committed to a friend, a boyfriend, a promise, whatever, I have no problem keeping that commitment because I gave my word. But when it comes to keeping promises to myself? Worthless. Totally unreliable and honestly, probably blatant flat out lying to myself. I'm a skeez! If I were to treat people the way that I have treated myself, I would have no friends. That's an awful realization to have about yourself!

Sadly, I think that is a very common thing for most people. (Although, it's even sadder that there are plenty of people who are not only okay with lying to themselves, but with lying to other people too) Thankfully, I have the self- awareness to realize and admit this about myself, so I am doing everything in my power to change that. See? So it's not about losing the weight. It's about staying true to yourself, not just true to other people. It's about keeping a promise. It's about being a better person as a whole, in every possible form. So those compliments that make you feel all sexy and proud, sure they feel great. And did you reach your goal of gaining more confidence? Yes. But is it about that? No. You don't stop until you have fulfilled your promise to yourself. Hold yourself accountable.

My vision:
When I say I am going to do something, I do it. Whether I said it out loud, or I said it in the back of my mind. It doesn't matter if it's about doing laundry, meeting a deadline, or not texting that ex back like I swore I never would. I believe in myself. I set goals, and I reach them, no matter how small or how daunting they may be. Because of this, I set an example for the people in my life. People believe in me, because I believe in myself. Sure, feeling sexy helps, but I know that isn't what life is about. The more I grow, I grow to be a better person physically and mentally, so that when I'm old, I have a personality and strong morals that will make me a beautiful person rather than just my looks.

The Question Isn't Can You Do It? It's: Will You.

Emotional eating is such a horrible tendency! Again, I am reminded of how much more of a mental battle weight loss is rather than a physical one. Sure, for some people there are physical issues that occur and hold back their progress (injuries, diseases etc.) but the majority of us simply struggle with our self destructive tendencies.

This past week and a half, I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety with work, my future, relationships, etc. It's been an extremely emotional week for me. After some disheartening news yesterday, it literally took everything in my power to resist the urge to revert back to my old self destructive habits that have helped cause my weight gain to begin with. My natural instincts were screaming that I go to the CVS on the way home, buy a giant bottle of wine (not the regular size, the big one), a pint of Blue Bell Ice Cream and a chocolate bar to finish off in a single sitting while I sit at home and depress myself.

As much as I am STILL struggling with this idea, flitting around the back of my mind, I made the decision to stay strong and stay committed to my promise to myself to be a better person. So then, my second instinct was still not a very positive one: I just wanted to go to sleep for the rest of the day and shut out every thought and problem in my life. I figured, hey- at least I won't want to eat, right? But finally I decided that was yet another way to mask my problems and not confront the issue. Finally, I invited a friend over to talk it out, focus on the positive things going on in my life, had a HEALTHY sugary snack (an orange) that always helps make me feel a little better, and then I went to go work out with my trainer Jeremy.

The work out was rough. I was NOT in the mood to push myself, and I was still half on the verge of tears throughout my entire work out. Again, thank god I had Jeremy to come to the rescue (as much as I kind of wanted to hit him when he told me to do 100 weighted jump squats followed by a series of [my mortal enemy] burpees). I finished the work out, exhausted and shaky. But in the end, did I feel better? Yes. Did I do something positive? Yes. I felt accomplished, and I felt proud that I had the strength to avoid reverting back to bad habits.

Today marks the start of my 8th week of living low glycemic. It's been 50 days of intense work outs, high activity levels, and a major adjustment of mental attitude and daily habits while controlling what foods I put into my mouth. 50 days ago, I wouldn't have had the strength to avoid those urges I had yesterday. I can truly say I am in a different place in my life now, and I have the strength and self-worth to know that my body deserves to be treated better, despite my mental state. Cheers to those of us working to create a better life for ourselves! We all have our struggles, but in the end, the question isn't can you do it? It's: will you.

Today's vision for my future:
No matter whether everything is going perfectly in my life, or if everything seems like it's falling apart, the one part I always have control over is how I choose to react to those situations. When my life is a mess, that doesn't give me an excuse to disrespect my body. I choose to handle negative situations by dealing with them in positive ways. If I am stressed, I work out my frustration in the gym. If I need to cry, I find a positive friend or family member to talk to. If I crave sweets, I always try to satisfy the craving with a natural sugar like fruit. When met with any difficult situation, instead of purely reacting, I consider the best way to approach the situation, and have the strength and ability to choose the most beneficial option for myself. I always remember that it's better to be strong in difficult situations than to make it worse by making a decision to be weak. By doing this, I am able to live healthily through the worst times and the best, always knowing that the dark times will pass no matter what.