Weight Loss is Only a Side Effect of My Self-Prescribed Lifestyle

Alright! So here we are again. Three weeks into getting back into clean eating and working out again. Down 5lbs, which is a great start! I am turning 25 in less than a month, and I have decided that 25 will be the last year I am overweight in my 20s. I have 52 lbs to lose before I reach my goal weight. But really, it's not about the weight or looking my best or any of those things. It's about being happy and loving my body. It's about getting my life together, and developing good habits that are here to stay. I am so tired of being this lost 20 something year old, phasing in and out of a life of productivity and a life of self destruction. My weight isn't the only thing that's been unhealthy for me this past year. It's been so much more.. my mentality, my self sabotaging, my irresponsibility. It's just time to get my act together overall... and I truly believe starting with a healthy lifestyle is the best step in the right direction.

These past three weeks that I've been working out and eating clean, I just FEEL so much better. 5lbs is barely noticeable physically, but mentally I already feel like I've lost about 20 lbs. I feel more confident, I feel more energetic, more productive, happier, calmer, and more stable. Everything about it has a positive effect on your body and your mentality. As I mentioned in my last post, I severely struggle with depression, and it's really true that a clean diet and exercise can do wonders to alleviate depression.

I tried the anti-depressant route, and although it helped, I didn't want to live with the side effects. I decided to make a change in my life and use diet and exercise to treat my depression instead. And three weeks in? I feel even better than I did while on the anti-depressants. It's not about just being vain, trying to look sexy, it's about becoming a better, happier, healthier person as a whole.

One thing that I am doing different this time, is working out without a trainer or weight loss program or anything of the sort. I have decided I need to learn to do this completely by myself. I am my own coach, because I will always be there for myself. It's not some program that you "finish" when you reach your goal weight, and it's not some trainer you have to keep throwing money at forever and ever because you can't get to the gym by yourself. It has to be YOU. You just have to want it bad enough.

And you know what? I have increased my work outs to 5-6 times a week. Even at my best, I was only working out 2-3 times a week and just eating clean. It was easy to just wait until I had a session with my trainer to actually go work out, and I just didn't really know what to do at the gym without one, so it made for the perfect excuse to only go when I had a session. Being my own "trainer" has made me proactively plan out my work outs, finding routines online, and executing those by myself, as well as fitting in a lot more cardio than I ever did with a trainer.

Currently, my body is still adjusting to the increased work out load, so I am retaining a lot of water and not making much progress on the scale, but I can still just see the difference in my appearance. It's important to remember that what the scale says isn't important. It's what your body says. And my body feels great, so that's what matters!

Where I see myself in the next few months:
I don't put a lot of emphasis on the numbers. I don't get discouraged when my "weight loss" is a slow process. Weight loss is only a side effect of my new prescribed lifestyle, not the focus.  The things that make me feel proud are when I notice a new defined muscle popping up somewhere, or how much more beautiful my skin looks now that I eat only clean food. I feel proud of dripping sweat after a work out, and marking off another "X" on my calendar to show yet another day that I made it to the gym. I've developed a community feeling at the gym where people recognize me and accept me as a fellow fitness junkie that's trying to live a better lifestyle. As I become physically fitter, the biggest difference is the stronger, more confident mentality I have, that makes life much more enjoyable and worthwhile. People take notice at work and begin to respect and admire me for all of my achievements. But the best part of all, is that I am proud of every drop of sweat, or smile in the mirror, or every .1 lb I ever lose. Every step is in the right direction, and no matter the amount of time it takes me to reach my goals, I never stop trying.

It's a Long Process, but Stopping Won't Get You There

Oh man. So it's definitely been awhile since my last post.. and a lot has happened since then. Through Jan-March, I continued my weight loss journey, making mistakes here and there. Slowly, I dwindled back into bad habits and I lost control. Many people experience this struggle, and it's very easy to feel like giving up and accepting defeat. The biggest lesson to pull away from this is, no matter what set backs you experience, you have to keep trying.

I refuse to let go of myself and allow myself to wallow in bad health, and beat myself up for letting myself get here again. I accept responsibility for my actions, and I refocus myself and start right back up again. When I began this journey, I knew I was setting a long term goal. I knew this would be a big commitment and there would be struggles to face. And just because I have still not accomplished my goal, that doesn't mean I am going to stop trying.

The biggest struggle that I have experienced, and the major cause for "derailing" my progress, is my emotional eating tendencies. Having moved to a new city, started a new job, made new friends, and having to adjust to an entirely new life has taken it's mental toll on me. Even though everything has been going well in my life, the past 6 months or so, I have been fighting a severe battle against depression. And although I am aware that a healthy diet and exercise can be a HUGE contributing factor to preventing depressive behaviors, I found myself in state where I literally could not find the strength to care about my health or my future. The only momentary pleasure in life I could find was food. So I ate, and I drank, and I stopped caring about the effect it had on my body. All I cared about was getting an ounce of pleasure or release from the nothingness that I felt in my depression.

The worst part was that I KNEW that being overweight would only cause me to fall deeper into a depression and to cause myself to be ashamed of my body and my lack of self control- yet, I couldn't stop it. I realized that I HAD to get in a better mental state in order to continue pursuing my goals. I am convinced many people who struggle with their weight, battle with their mental stability as well. In my case, I decided I had to pull  myself out of depression and bring myself to a healthy mind before I could follow with a healthy body.

It's taken me between 2-3 months to accomplish it, but with help from my friends and family, and a conscious effort on my part, I finally feel the strength to begin again. I am two weeks into picking up my clean eating habits, and I hired a local personal trainer to force me into my training and exercise habits again. So, the journey begins again! Like I said, the commitment to a healthy lifestyle is is a life-long process, and a big part of it truly is the mental battle. The important thing to understand is that no matter what struggle you face, as long as you don't give up, you will be able to succeed and reach your goals. Commitment is key.

I will continue to try my best and be the best Nicole that I know how to be- so cheers to a fresh start and the ability to keep a smile on my face again!

Vision for the future-
No matter the emotional struggle I experience, I always confront the issue and seek help and support from those around me to keep me in a healthy state. I do not turn to food for comfort when I feel stressed or defeated; I turn to a hard sweat and a heated work out. When I feel down, I promise myself that instead of wallowing, I will choose to do something about it, and commit to positive, uplifting behaviors. And even if there are moments where I do slip up- I promise to never give up on my health. I promise to keep trying and trying over and over again until it finally pays off. I do not do this out of vanity alone, or a desire to feel attractive, I do this because this is what my body was created to do. Eat for fuel and energy, move and stay active to use and burn that energy, and rest and rebuild myself in order to be the healthiest me I can be. I strive for a long life full of health and happiness so that I can be there in the future and achieve the goals I set for myself. I do it for me and my future.

Don't Eat Like a Savage

Okay- I'm not even going to mention the fact that it's a new year and blah blah I have all these New Years resolutions. Reaching my goal weight is still my top priority still, just like it was all the way back in August last year. 

Sure I struggled a little over the holidays- definitely gave in to some serious temptations; actually one of which I will confess to you because I actually find it to be a really humorous story. It also highlights the temptations we face on a regular basis and how difficult it can be to make healthy choices in our society today. 

So mid-December I was forced to go through some mandatory "On Boarding" training (super basic stuff, safety etc... in other words, mind numbingly boring information). Throughout this training, the trainers understand that no one wants to be there and they attempt to ease their guilt and make the classes tolerable by having hoards of chocolates, cookies, cakes, etc available so you can eat your boredom away. 

Throughout this 5 day training, I must say I almost made it through to Wednesday without "sinning." However, on this specific day, I faced my arch nemesis: a Tres Leches cake. Coming from a hispanic background, a good Tres Leches is pretty difficult to find. This one looked amazing. Not only did I gorge myself on an entire piece of cake, I guiltily wandered off to my father's office (yes he works at my company too) to confess my sins. (I ALWAYS have the worst burning desire to confess my dietary indiscretions.. I need somebody to shame me!) After blurting out my lusty affair with my Tres Leches, my father became very interested. His reply, with a mischievous grin only Satin could have produced, "Is there still some left in the training room?" His excitement quickly rubbing off on me for yet another moment to gluttonously submit myself to the Tres Leches all over again, we scampered off as I led the way back to the damage zone. 

Now, in case you don't know me, I happen to have the last name Savage. Fitting, in instances like this. At first, I watched as my father cut himself a piece of cake in the abandoned training room; fighting an internal battle to attempt to resist the cake yet again. The battle was lost. Sheer pleasure rolled across his face as he bit into his cake, and I lost control. I grabbed for another piece of cake, and without a fork or any socially acceptable mannerisms, stuffed my greedy little mouth full of yet another obscenely large piece of cake. I was in heaven. 

As my father and I shared this moment of an utter loss of control (on both our parts), we laughed and laughed mischievously; envisioning the reaction of someone walking in to discover the two "savages" (literal in both senses) gorging aggressively on the unsuspecting cake in the abandoned room. While this memory is likely to bring a smile to my face for many years; it was a weak moment. I did not leave feeling proud of myself, or even physically happy with myself, mainly because I kind of wanted to vomit afterwards due to the sugar overload. 

That was not the only mistake I made over the Christmas break, however, due to the months of hard work and serious dedication, my body was able to adjust to the abuse and managed to pull through for me. I didn't gain a single pound over the holidays, which speaks extremely highly of how powerful it is to live the low glycemic lifestyle. 

Jeremy, my trainer, always told me that once I got my body in a place where I am physically fit enough and built enough muscle, my metabolism will get much faster and be able to deal with occasional indiscretions. I was very doubtful of this since I have alway been the kind of person to balloon up if I even LOOK at food the wrong way, but Jeremy was right yet again. 

The point is, yes- I am going to make mistakes. I am a Savage. I do savage things, like gorge myself on cake in awkward corners of my office building. But as long as I can always bounce back, get back on track, and move on, my body will be able to forgive me for those moments of weakness. 

Envision of future Nicole:

My body is solid muscle. 95% of the year, it's because I worked for it. But there are those occasional days where there is a monster in me, and if I see cake, I will attack. These days are kept to a bare minimum, because I am always striving to better my self control, but they do occur. Thankfully, my body has the proper metabolism to kick butt and make sure that minor offsets will not effect our overall well being. That way, I can have silly bonding moments with others over a piece of cake without wanting to shoot myself afterwards. I work hard, and sometimes I deserve a little sweetness. I know that my health is what is important to me and I am always able to refocus and better myself yet again; never truly veering off of a healthy lifestyle. 

Skinny is Not as Easy in the Cold

Nothing is more demotivating to me than cold weather. No wonder it’s so hard to lose weight during the holidays… my body wants to stay all fat so I can be nice and warm!  Especially now that I’ve lost about 30lbs, I am cold all day, every day. #skinnygirlproblems.

These are my current struggles due to cold, wintery weather:

1.  I don’t want water... AT ALL. Nothing to make me colder is welcome!
2.  I don’t want to leave my bed/couch/car/apartment... whatever it be. I don’t want to leave! I have to force myself to work, which is hard enough on its own, and when it comes to making myself go to the gym? Ugh! Why would I do that when I can be at peace all bundled with my puppies at home? (cuz you want to be a fit, productive, non-pathetic human being.. duh..)
3. Only hot foods allowed. This means NO salads, NO raw nothin’! So much for healthy veggie snacks... I want soups, potatoes and comfort foods.
4.  On the weekends, drinking tends to help keep the cold away… and I’m not talking about water!

For the first time since I started living low glycemic, I have hit an area in my life where I am struggling. Not only did I just move to a new city, start a new job, and leave my support system over in Austin, it all just happens to be right smack dab in the middle of the holiday season, and paired with my least favorite weather. Talk about a hurdle!

As much as I am mentally struggling, I must admit, it really hasn’t been that bad. Thankfully, I have put all my new practices into habit for several months now, and I am still maintaining a very good lifestyle. It is true that I haven’t been perfect- but then again, nobody is perfect 24/7.  Aside from the cold weather, I am adjusting to a new “office lifestyle.” While I was used to being in the restaurants all day at Schlotzsky’s, I had learned how to overcome those temptations. Here in the office, there is a new set of temptations. Delicious, daily lunches with co-workers, candy bowls at every admin’s desk, nibbles available at every conference meeting, and the worst? Boredom.  Because I am beginning this new position, there isn’t a set “program” or pattern for me to start into. My trainer doesn’t even come back until next week, so there has been a lot of sitting around and reading books and information on petrochemicals. Understand my pain?

I think previously, it’s been easy to resist all the snacks and goodies because I was busy and on the go. The past 3 weeks, the boredom is creeping in and it’s making a terrible chocolate monster out of me! How do people go around without snatching little chocolates off the admin’s desks every time you pass by!? How cruel is that… couldn’t they put up a little bowl of carrots or something? This is an obstacle I need to overcome. I know that soon I will be extremely busy and thankfully, done with the days with my nose stuck in “Petrochemicals in Nontechnical Language” but gosh I am struggling!  

I do know that I will pull through this. I am a full on exercise addict now, so I know that habit is around for the long haul. I have picked up hot yoga, and have started doubling up on my work outs. Hot yoga in the morning, training at night. Not only that, but I walk EVERYWHERE. I am in a place where everything is within walking distance, so I am staying much more active on a daily basis. The best part is knowing that once I cleanse my systems of sugars again, I will no longer have those cravings and it will be much easier to resist the demon office candies.  That’s the great part of having gone through Jeremy’s nutrition class- instead of falling into a lusty black hole of chocolates, pumpkin pies and sugar cookies, I can pick up on my struggle and know exactly what I need to do to fix it. And I know I can do it!

As far as my cold weather struggles, I need some help from my fellow low GI teammates! Tips? Suggestions? What’s working for you? I am cold and missing my world of delicious coffee and pumpkin spice lattes! Let me know what has helped you all in this season.

My vision for this holiday season:

Steamed veggies, baked apples, and hot teas are all the comfort foods I need this season.  My zucchini noodles make for great holiday meals, and a perfect substitute for pasta. Rather than bonding with my family by gorging on gluttonous pies and stuffing, we participate in active bonding activities instead. Going for walks around the lake, family gym sessions, and maybe even some good old holiday shopping. (at least shopping is active!) Just because it’s Thanksgiving doesn’t mean I don’t need to work out; if anything, it’s a time to be thankful for my body and good health, and show my body that I have respect for myself and consideration for the things I put in my mouth. I use holiday seasons as a time to be grateful for my family, my body, my health, my friends, etc; not as an excuse to gorge myself on unhealthy things that make me very unthankful for the holiday season and the decisions that I made during it. I live a healthy life, full of wisdom and good decisions- even if I do sneak the occasional dark chocolate every once in a while!  

Two Options: Either Suffer the Pain of Discipline, or Suffer the Pain of Regret

Okay, you caught me. My last entry was 4 months ago.. I lost it, I gave up, and I failed yet again. However, I confessed in my first post, that I will never quit! So here I am again, but this time with a much stronger success story.

About 2 months ago, I was miserable. Uncontrollably binge eating, gaining weight, and mulling around in self-pity. I couldn't take it anymore; but I also couldn't change by myself. I made a major monetary commitment, and hired a motivational personal trainer/nutritionist. I couldn't pull myself out of it on my own, but with help, I knew I could re-energize and commit myself to someone who believed in me. 

So I began my new life style. The past two months, I have achieved an amazing transition into a low glycemic lifestyle.  Shockingly, I am now gluten, caffeine, sugar (except natural sugars), dairy, and grain free. Two months ago I would have never even believed those words would EVER come out of my mouth. But guess what? I am down 17 lbs in 6.5 weeks and living low GI has been the easiest AND most successful form of weight loss I have ever experienced. What a win!

After a harsh first week of a soft cleanse (unlimited veggies, 3 fruits/day), I stopped craving sweets and snacks. I didn't want any bread or cheese or milk or anything- not even caffeine! I was jumping for joy to be able to add protein to my diet! Since then, I have added low glycemic carbs, and a small amount of fat to my daily diet. So to sum it up, I have 3 proteins, unlimited veggies, 1 fruit, and 2 low glycemic carbs a day. A maybe a serving of fat (almonds, olive oil, almond butter) every other day. Easy peasy!

The best part, is no matter where I go, there is ALWAYS something I can find to eat. Tell me what restaurant doesn't have protein and veggies? Sure you might have to be that snooty meal-modifying customer, but with the right playful/friendly attitude, your waiter/waitress will have no issue making it happen for you. I can go out to eat, I can cook a variety of delicious healthy meals, and enjoy the freshness and extremely flavorful selection of all natural foods that are nothing but good and pure for your body. 

Is avoiding alcohol still an issue? Yes! Alcohol will never be healthy for your body. However, believe it or not, I have achieved this weight loss in 6.5 weeks despite an insane trip to Vegas for a bachelorette party on week 4. Did I look like a serious alcoholic ordering vodka waters? Maybe.. but did I gain a single lb? No! Of course I kept my drinking to a reasonable minimum, and danced in stilettos for hours on end to make up for it. I can't tell you all how amazing it feels to have control of my life back. 

Am I anywhere close to my goal weight? No- I still have at least 35 more lbs to go. Can I do it? Hell yeah! This low gycemic lifestyle isn't something that just goes away. It's not a diet. It's a lifestyle. With continued exercise and support from my trainer Jeremy, I am 4 months from obtaining my goals. But I am confident I will get there! I have no doubt in my mind. 

I've decided to continue my blog and share my success stories with you all. I was afraid to pick it up again after my disappearance, but I can't keep this from you! I feel so amazing and so happy with were I am at in my life. I feel strong, accomplished, proud, THIN, energetic, and happy. Never give up on yourself!

Here is my future outlook for myself:

I have reached my goal weight. Even though I was happy at 130, it was not about just being happy. It was about achieving a goal and accomplishing what I said I was going to do and keeping my word to myself. I am now 120 lbs and I have never felt more accomplished in my life. Not only am I considered "thin" but I am in the best shape of my life. I am toned and proud of every muscle I have earned. I am active on a daily basis, and I cook meals for myself and friends instead of going out to eat, discovering new recipes and enhancing my cooking skills everyday. My friends and family are proud of me, and are motivated by my example to live a healthier life. I take good care of my body because I know this is the body I have for the rest of my life. I think of being an example for my future children and take steps to live a long healthy life every day. Confidence is never an issue because I know I can achieve any goal I set for myself.